I had a taste of motherhood when I was twenty. When I had my first daughter, I was scared but the excitement of seeing how my baby would look like was a comfort.
Waking up in the middle night to change diapers and feed the baby was hard but I endured it all because I was determined to be a hands-on mom. Everyday I noticed the tiniest developments my baby was going through. I was very proud of her. I know there were times that I was physically exhausted and emotionally drained but the joys of motherhood consoled and revived my spirit. I didn't work. I didn't really see the need to work since my husband had a diving job then.
Months passed by, I was very patient with my baby girl. I taught her new things, talked to her constantly like she understood every word I said. She grew up really smart and ahead of her age. She simply amazed everyone around her.
To make it the story short, although my marriage was very unstable, my husband and I had three kids over the years. And then we broke up. I was crushed.
My ex is not supporting the kids. Single parenting has been so challenging for me. Most of all, single parenting brought me tears beyond I've ever imagined.
Two kids are with my in-laws and the youngest kid is with my mom. I get to see them when I have time and money. They really don't live that far from the place I am renting. But there are just times when seeing them breaks my heart. Some part of me wants to give them the best of what the world can offer, but a bigger part of me says that I'm going to fail. My kids don't ask for money but I do know that children as they are, they want nice toys, nice dresses, nice shoes and all the ice creams and cakes they can eat. And most of the time, I can't give them what they want.
It pains me to see how badly they want something. It pains me to know that I can't give them those things. All I ever wanted was to provide them the happiest childhood a mother could give to her kids. I don't care if I've become a stubborn daughter, an insensitive wife, or an irate employee. I honestly don't care as long as my kids can say that I am the best mother in the world. I don't care if I'll never be good at anything. I don't care if I'll never be greater than what I am today. I just want my kids with me. I just want to be a good mom.
I miss my kids so badly. It hurts like hell.
Buried In Snow; Quebec athlete suffocates in shelter collapse
A 21-year-old woman has died after a temporary auto shelter collapsed and smothered her as she tried to clear snow from its roof.
Though police have not confirmed her identity, members of the small community in Val-des-Monts, Que., named the young woman as Krystal Arvisais.
Ms. Arvisais, an avid water skier who had represented Canada in competition internationally, was trapped underneath the debris and died despite the efforts of her mother to save her.
"She said to her mom that she couldn't breathe any more … so basically she suffocated," said Constable Martin Fournel.
"I've known her since she was a baby," said 56-year-old Serge Masson, who is a bartender at Auberge sur la Lac, a restaurant and hotel where Ms. Arvisais used to work.
"She was pretty as a button," Mr. Masson said. "Everybody just loved her."
The accident happened on Tuesday night when Ms. Arvisais and her 54-year-old mother were trying to clear the snow from the car shelter after a recent storm that dumped about 40 centimetres of snow on the rural community.
"Instead of trying to remove the snow from the outside by scraping it, they went under and just tapped the roof," Const. Fournel said. "Then something happened to cause the structure to collapse.
"The mom was able to get away but her daughter was stuck underneath."
The mother tried to free her daughter but was unsuccessful, Const. Fournel said.
Yesterday, the remains of the accident were still strewn across the driveway at the house. Aluminum bars lay out across the snow-covered property, along with the torn grey tarp that made up the broken auto cover. A blue shovel lay bent and broken with the debris.
"This kind of accident is truly not common," said Suzanne Robillard, spokeswoman for the Canada Safety Council.
Ms. Robillard advised that it is important people clear snow from these structures with care, using an extendable rake or broom. "After a big storm … we forget how heavy it can be," Ms. Robillard said.
Ms. Arvisais was well-known in the community for being an avid water skier.
"She was always training really hard, competing really hard," said Nathalie Muller, the programs manager at Water Ski and Wakeboard Canada.
"She had a nice smile and a quick wit," said her coach, Steve Bush. "But she turned her game face on when she went to ski."
Police are still investigating to determine what caused the cover to collapse, said Const. Fournel, adding that a coroner's inquest will also be held.
"What happened is very tragic and it shouldn't have happened," said Ron Bertrand, owner and operator of Auberge sur la Lac. "She will be missed."
